Loading...
DORNOCH - The Dornoch Gondola Project has announced the appointment of Steven Douglas Smith, acclaimed Director of Photography with credits including "Scary Movie Five" and "Dinosaur," as Chief Logistics Officer, following what aviation experts are calling "a masterclass in creative route optimization that defies both logic and geography."
Smith's recent journey from Beverly Hills to Dornoch—LAX to LaGuardia (because "JFK was £12 more expensive"), LaGuardia to JFK ("for the superior international terminal amenities"), JFK to Frankfurt ("obviously"), then a rental car drive from Frankfurt to Amsterdam ("to save money and visit my daughter"), and finally Amsterdam to Inverness—took 31 hours and saved him precisely £47.32 over the direct route.
The Frankfurt-to-Amsterdam driving detour proved particularly eventful. "The car rental was cheaper than the connecting flight, plus I thought I'd surprise my daughter who's studying in Amsterdam," Smith explained cheerfully. "Turns out she had made previous plans with her boyfriend and wasn't available, but I still saved money on the trip! Plus I got to see some lovely German and Dutch countryside. You can't put a price on spontaneous cultural immersion—well, actually you can, and it's exactly £23 less than the flight connection."
"People think I'm mad, but this is pure genius," Smith explained, spreading out boarding passes and a rental car receipt like a proud poker player. "The 4-hour wait for the rental car pickup let me reorganize my camera equipment, the surprise visit to Amsterdam—though unsuccessful—still included complimentary highway rest stop coffee, and I earned enough airline miles to upgrade my return journey to premium economy. The fact that I didn't actually check if my daughter was free just adds to the adventure!"
This routing philosophy isn't new for Smith. His journey to film "Dinosaur" involved flying Los Angeles-Tokyo-Dubai-London-Glasgow because "the Dubai duty-free had excellent lens cleaning supplies." For "Scary Movie Five," he traveled Vancouver-Reykjavik-Paris-Rome-Edinburgh, claiming the Rome connection was "essential for authentic Italian espresso before filming Scottish coastlines."
"Steven's approach to travel logistics perfectly encapsulates our innovative spirit," explained Neil Munro, director of innovation. "Most people see a simple Beverly Hills-to-Dornoch journey. Steven sees six opportunities for cultural enrichment and cost optimization. That's exactly the mindset we need for gondola passenger flow."
Smith has already proposed revolutionary changes to Highland tourism. "Why should visitors fly directly to Inverness when they could experience the scenic beauty of European aviation hubs?" he mused. "I'm developing packages where tourists can save money by routing through Copenhagen and Stockholm before reaching Scotland. They get Nordic pastries, we get satisfied customers, everyone wins."
Fiona Hampton, director of hostesses and discipline, praised Smith's analytical approach: "He arrived with detailed spreadsheets comparing airport coffee prices across three continents. That's the attention to detail we need."
The new Chief Logistics Officer is already implementing his philosophy within the gondola project, proposing "heritage routing" where passengers disembark at each tower for "enhanced experiential value." Early plans suggest Tower Two visits could include Highland refreshments, Tower Three offers photography workshops, and Tower Four features historical presentations about "the evolution of aerial transport economics."
Local travel agent Morag Campbell admitted grudging admiration: "Steven's proven you can get from California to the Highlands for under £200 if you're willing to visit half of Europe first. It's revolutionary, if slightly insane."
When asked about potential criticism, Smith remained philosophical: "Efficiency isn't about the shortest path—it's about maximizing value. If saving £47 means exploring three international airports and sampling authentic stroopwafels, where's the harm? That's basic economics applied to adventure."
Steven Douglas Smith was unavailable for further comment, as he was reportedly researching whether gondola passengers could achieve additional savings through "technical cultural stops" at each tower, possibly involving themed refreshment experiences and educational seminars about Highland transport optimization.
